The Trauma That Made You (And How To Unmake It)

Everything starts with a story.

This story begins with a wound.

We all carry trauma.

Not just the dramatic, visible kind.

But the quiet kind.

The kind that lives in the body.

The kind that begins with breath.

The first trauma is birth itself —

That rupture from oneness into separateness.

That moment when we were thrust from the warm dark of the womb into the harsh light of being an “I.”

Since then, we’ve been trying to return.

To connection.

To belonging.

To safety.

And in that quest, we adapted.

We performed.

We pleased.

We rushed.

We perfected.

We stayed strong.

Not because we need to prove ourselves.

But because we were conditioned.

That’s what Gurdjieff meant when he said:

“Man is a machine.”

Most adults are still running programs they didn’t choose —

Automated by old survival codes.

Doing what they learned,

Not who they are.

Your habits.

Your reactions.

Even your most cherished personality traits —

How many were consciously chosen?

And how many are sophisticated adaptations to early wounds?

The brilliant news?

What was made can be unmade.

The self built around trauma can be gently dismantled.

The patterns that once protected you — but now limit you — can be released.

But first,

You must recognize the machine you’ve become.

The Machine You Were Programmed to Be

Look closely.

At your work.

At your triggers.

At your relationships.

At your dreams — the ones you chase, and the ones you’ve abandoned.

At how you seek validation.

How much of it is truly yours?

Most of us are wearing masks so convincing,

We’ve forgotten we’re wearing them.

We’ve become method actors in our own lives —

So identified with our protective roles

That we’ve lost touch with the one who lives beneath the script we wrote.

But your body knows.

It has kept the score all along.

That tension in your shoulders.

The shallow breath around authority.

The gut flares during conflict.

The need to achieve, achieve, achieve.

The anesthesia when emotions run too high.

These aren’t random quirks.

They’re survival strategies.

Coded into you before you had words.

I remember working with Elena.

A brilliant founder on her third burnout.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“I’m doing everything right. Why do I keep crashing?”

Her body had the answer before her mind did.

It had been carrying this story for decades.

Strive or be unseen.

At first glance, it looked like ambition.

But beneath the success lived a child.

A child who had lost her father — and with him, love that came with conditions.

So she learned:

Be exceptional. Or be invisible.

Succeed. Or lose connection.

Do. Or disappear.

This wasn’t a mindset problem.

It was a survival code.

Running on the frequency of Shadow.

Burnout was her body’s rebellion — a sacred protest against the illusion of control.
(Gene Keys helped us see this drive clearly).

Her inner commander took control to protect her.

But what begins as protection becomes a prison.

We didn’t try to fix the burnout.

We didn’t give her better time management.

Instead, I asked:

Who’s doing the working?

And why?

This question opened the door to her experience of inadequacy transmuting into resourcefulness, and ultimately wisdom.

Elena began to see that the root of her exhaustion wasn’t just overwork.

It was the ancient belief that she wasn’t enough unless she proved her worth.

As she witnessed the machine —

the self-criticism, the dismissal of her body, the endless proving —

a new presence emerged.

The Witness.

That’s your Original Nature.

The one beneath the programs.

The one who watches, without judgment.

The one who holds joy and grief in the same breath.

The one who is not the doing,

But the being.

Not the reflection —

But the one looking back.

The tragedy isn’t that we were shaped by trauma.

It’s that we forgot

Someone else was in there all along.

The Sacred Unmaking: Returning to Essence

The path back to your Self

Isn’t about adding more.

Not more knowledge.

Not more techniques.

Not more “growth.”

It’s the sacred art of unmaking.

The quiet courage to peel back the layers.

To return to what’s always been true.

Here’s how that path begins:

1. Witness the Machine

Liberation starts with one thing: noticing.

Notice how you respond to criticism.

What stories play when you feel rejected?

What sensations rise in your body when you seek approval?

Don’t fix it.

Don’t analyze.

Just witness.

This pure, patient seeing —

It’s revolutionary.

The machine thrives in the dark.

Bring it into the light, and its grip starts to loosen.

Practice what I call “Witness Meditation” for five minutes daily.

Sit. Breathe. Contemplate your mind, your emotions, your body.

And when a pattern shows up,

Say gently:

“I see you, machine.

I am not only you.”

2. Reclaim the Body

Trauma doesn’t live in thought.

It lives in the body.

And your body’s been whispering to you for years.

Tension. Illness. Fatigue. Emotional floods.

All messages. All clues.

Start with your breath.

Three times a day, place one hand on your heart, one on your belly.

Breathe deeply, for one minute.

This begins to repair the split between awareness and embodiment.

Then, listen to your body like it’s a wise teacher.

That lump in your throat?

That tight chest?

That back pain?

They’re not problems.

They’re parts of you that were never allowed to speak.

As one of my mentors once said:

“The body never lies.

We just forgot how to listen.”

3. Gently Excavate

Now comes the deeper work.

The soft, steady excavation of what you’ve carried.

Pick one pattern.

Just one.

Maybe it’s perfectionism.

People-pleasing.

Chronic busyness.

Avoiding conflict.

Needing control.

Ask yourself:

When did I learn this?

What was happening then?

What did it protect me from?

Remember: these patterns were brilliant at the time.

They kept you safe.

Honor them.

Then, write to them.

Use your dominant hand to speak as your present self.

Your non-dominant hand as your younger self.

Let the conversation unfold.

No pressure. Just presence.

4. Reclaim the Disowned

Trauma splits us.

It buries parts of us that weren’t safe to show.

The playful child.

The fierce protector.

The sensual being.

The one who says no.

The one who needs help.

They didn’t die.

They just went underground.

Start here:

List the qualities you admire in others but suppress in yourself.

These are often your exiled parts.

Choose one.

And invite it back, gently.

If you’ve disowned vulnerability, ask for help with something small.

If you’ve buried your power, set one boundary. Without apology.

This is how we come back. One piece at a time.

5. Surrender the Story

This may be the hardest part.

Who are you

Without your trauma responses?

Without your achievements?

Without your persona?

Most people don’t know.

Because surrendering the mask feels like dying.

But beyond that death is freedom.

Not the freedom of perfection —

But the freedom of presence.

Ask daily:

“Who am I beyond my story?

Who is the one who sees?”

Then rest in the silence that follows.

Even if just for a moment.

Remember this:

The one looking through your eyes

Was never broken.

Never wounded.

Never lost.

It’s been waiting.

Patiently.

For you to remember.

And in that remembering —

There’s nothing left to fix.

Only something holy

To come home to.

If these words stirred something in you—if you felt seen, softened, maybe even undone—it’s not by accident. You’re already on the path back to what’s real. The masks are loosening. The witness is stirring.

And sometimes, the next right step is to not walk that path alone.

The Exploration Call is a 120-minute space for your becoming. Not to fix you. Not to optimize you. But to meet you where you are—with reverence and precision. We’ll gently map the patterns still running the show, listen to the body’s truth, and let your own wisdom lead us toward what wants to be seen, reclaimed, and released.

Whether it’s a persistent fatigue, a crossroads in your business, or a haunting sense that something deeper is asking to be known—we’ll bring compassionate awareness to the story beneath the story.

If you feel the pull, you can book the call here. Trust your body’s yes. Or even its quiet curiosity.